It’s still raining here on the west coast of Ireland, It seems like it’s been raining forever. Then I’m reminded of the Buddhist practice of Upekkha. Upekkha is at its most simple the realisation that everything changes, that things arise and then pass away - All things. Nothing ever stays the same.
One of the benefits of ageing it turns out, is that the more I’m in nature or sitting quietly in meditation, the more I find I’m able to focus on things other than myself. I’ve found that within this place of liminality I barely identify with my desires, with my engineered beliefs, In contrast I feel unrestricted, like a clever camera with a super wide lens.
From this position and through this lens is where I feel most alive. I don’t care about what might happen, I feel ready for absolutely anything - BRING IT ON!
Of course it never lasts though. It’s extraordinary how much time we (I) actually spend avoiding this threshold place, how many ‘real’ conversations I’ve wasted, how much time I’ve squandered floostering around the fringes.
Needless to say it takes a lot of mettle to be willing to stand at the threshold. It requires relinquishing control, yielding to time, trusting the unknown. The sheer idea sends a little tremor through me and makes me feel mildly unwell, reminding me how much I like to be in control, especially of my life!
These days, as Bealtaine approaches, I sense a churning, a need to be even more in control. To create something, to change something, make plans, the familiar feeling creeping back… “come on Claire get going, what are you doing, what’s your plan?” Oh my goodness, even the thought of it is exhausting, there’s nothing subtle about it.
I understand this to be the seasonal shift playing out in me, we’re about to transition into the bright masculine half of the year, which is all about performance and achievement, all executed in a linear progressive manner.
I’m really not ready yet though, I’m not ready to put an hermetic seal on just being. More gentleness and ease is needed, thought and consideration, wistfulness, I need more time to meld the two places.
I’m reminded that we’re in the time of Navaratri in the yogic tradition - Nine days and nights of the divine mother goddess energy, a potent time. This began on the last eclipse new moon, It’s an ideal time to integrate and blend the dark half and bright half of the year.
It doesn’t have to be one or the other but can be both and…
